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The Drawing Room / Re: Greetings
« Last post by Dell-Boy on Today at 07:16:54 AM »
 

                                  :waving           Morning         :rain
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The Drawing Room / Re: Greetings
« Last post by Percy Vere on Yesterday at 12:48:05 PM »
 :tired  Good afternoon  :wave

We had a good lie in this morning and have almost made up for the sleep we lost during the storm. :D
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The Drawing Room / Re: Greetings
« Last post by Dell-Boy on Yesterday at 07:13:48 AM »

                                             :waving       Morning        :brrr
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The Belfry / Re: General Jokes
« Last post by Dell-Boy on January 18, 2018, 04:00:15 PM »

            How true!    :D
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The Belfry / Re: General Jokes
« Last post by Percy Vere on January 18, 2018, 03:24:30 PM »
Just found this on a rubber technology forum's joke page:

To: All personnel

From: Corporate Headquarters

Subject: New Retirement Plan

As part of our corporate-wide cost reduction efforts, we are going to reduce our number of personnel by means of a new retirement plan. Managers are being mailed a package containing all of the details; the highlights are presented here.

Under the Plan, older employees will go on Early Retirement, thus permitting us to retain the younger people who represent our future.

The program, which will be placed into effect immediately, will phase out all the older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year. The program shall be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early)

Employees who are being RAPEd will be given the opportunity to seek other jobs within the company, provided that while they are being RAPEd, they request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the Plan is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who are being RAPEd and SCREWed are eligible for a trial review by higher management. This will be called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination.)

The provisions of the Plan dictate that employees may be RAPEd once and SCREWed twice, but may get the SHAFT as many times as the company deems appropriate.

Employees fulfilling the above requirements of the Plan are entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings of Retired Persons Employment Service). HERPES is considered a bonus plan, since employees who have HERPES will no longer be RAPEd or SCREWed by the company.

It is now, and always has been, the policy of the company to assure that employees are well-trained. To accomplish this, a new program called SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) will be put into effect. With this program, we will now be able to give our employees more SHIT than any other company.

If an employee feels that he or she is not getting enough SHIT on the job, or that he or she could advance to another position by taking more SHIT, please see your manager.

Our management people are specially trained to see to it that you will get all the SHIT you can stand.
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The Library / Re: Village of the Year - C4
« Last post by Dell-Boy on January 18, 2018, 03:23:38 PM »
With Penelope Keith and others.  This series started on Monday this week and lasts for 4 weeks I think.  According to an article I read last weekend I think one of the programmes includes a certain village on the shores of a certain sea lough not that far from Belfast, where a certain couple live in Norn Iron :D.

        :think    Haven't got a clue who that could be.    :shrug
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The Library / Re: Village of the Year - C4
« Last post by Scott on January 18, 2018, 03:16:21 PM »
I would like to see that one, if possible.
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The Library / Village of the Year - C4
« Last post by Percy Vere on January 18, 2018, 03:15:04 PM »
With Penelope Keith and others.  This series started on Monday this week and lasts for 4 weeks I think.  According to an article I read last weekend I think one of the programmes includes a certain village on the shores of a certain sea lough not that far from Belfast, where a certain couple live in Norn Iron :D.
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The Library / Re: Today's News!
« Last post by Percy Vere on January 18, 2018, 03:07:06 PM »
Yep indeedy.  They were very lucky.  I'm very surprised the :old chap driving the speedboat pleaded not guilty though.  At the very least I'd want a new boat and fishing tackle, medical expenses and lost wages from his insurers.
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The Drawing Room / Re: Greetings
« Last post by Percy Vere on January 18, 2018, 02:59:22 PM »
 :wave  Very wucking findy :windy :windy :windy :windy around these parts last night.  Tiles on roof were dancing around in the wind from 3am onwards keeping us both awake.  At least there is no damage to any of them.
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